Precipice December 25, 2006

Ever feel like you’re standing on the edge of something new?

I’m not a big fan of cold. In Seattle right now it’s cold. Thankfully the house is warm. I had a good afternoon jaunt through my full practice, to my own surprise. The best part about it being the nap that was my savasana.

Go eggnog.

I had a try at making that stuff the other night- interesting. It’s much more difficult to make after you start drinking.

How do people deal with the fact that it gets dark here at 4:30pm? That’s absurd. I’m longing for the second half of my trip already- the half that’s in southern CA where there are normal temperatures and normal amounts of daylight.

Go Southwest.

I think when I finally get back home things are going to have a different tint. So much is over, so much has to be started. It’ll be a whole new playing field, and I’m craving such.

I sold my Mini. It’s sad to see her go, but I have so many other things I want to do with that money, I don’t need a car anymore, and the bottom line is that I really love being off the grid where it comes to cars.

I frequently fall asleep to what ifs. I try not to focus on them, but they float through more than before. I keep coming to the conclusion that the Universe will put things together the way they need to be. Some part of me can’t let go of the wandering princess. I’m sure it will go away at some point, but after this much time I’m beginning to wonder when that’s really going to be.

Go unrequited love.

And by that you could say “iconic love.” Present. Absent. Voila.

I focus on the void. That empty space where there is no sound, no thought, no breath- there is no Cameron there. There is no grad school, no publishing pressure, no physical insecurity, no pleasure, no pain, no hunger, no doubt, no wonder, no ideas. It’s the place that we all come from, will all return to, and it’s the place I’ve been avoiding with drama, entertainment, business, people, my own musings, because I’ve been afraid to be alone. Actually, I’ve been afraid of being lonely. But there is none of that in the space between. There we are all equal, and there we are all one. I used to keep closer to this than I have in recent years. I’ve let myself get quite caught up in the ego world, and it’s time for a re-focusing of perspective. My attachments are getting the better of me, literally.

Merry Christmas

On the flip side December 22, 2006

The solstice is my favorite day of the year for the simple reason that after that, days get longer.  They’ve been big blue cold days here, with occasional rain.  The last work week of the year is coming to a close rapidly, and many many exciting developments have paved a path for my return in 2007.  I look forward to approaching it when I get back.  But first, I need a damn break.

Skipped a lot of practice recently out of sheer laziness.  The last two days were remarkably pleasant.  Soft, floaty, easy practices.  I brought a friend this morning.  She’s extremely flexy and strong and has good concentration already.  I think she’ll shoot right up the Ashtanga path if she is half excited each morning as she was about it today.  Kinda cool to bring someone into the fold.

Tomorrow it’s up to Seattle.  I’m not looking forward to colder wet, but I am looking forward to taking the time away and seeing friends and family.  Ironically, while I didn’t grow up there, I know a lot of people who are from there and so I have many friends to play with during the holidays.  I just ship ‘em with me.  I’m anticipating short, cold, demotivated practices, mostly because, well, that’s normally what happens when I go up there this time of year.

Finale December 15, 2006

Over.  Done.  And by done I mean…done.

This was not a fun week, friends.  I managed three practices in spite of it all.  All first series.  Nurture nurture.  This morning felt like I was no longer having to jump back with an elephant on my shoulders.  Which is nice.

Got bodywork from my teacher Wednesday night.  Really good stuff that is.  Keeps the shoulders from turning into complete rocks.  Helps keep the hips open.

This weekend is all about holiday parties and Christmas shopping.  Whoopeee.  I’m picturing parking lots and madness, people filled with anger and anxiety, hot chocolate, cold weather, small children screaming, cocktails at 5 and lots of money flowing away from me.  Yessir.

2007, I can’t wait for you.  I love you already and I haven’t even met you.  2006 was a BEAR.  Get me outta here.

Finals December 11, 2006

Dum dum dum dun de da, dun de da.  AKA, the Imperial March.

Thanks John Williams.  There’s no better way to describe impending doom, musically.

I’m such a product of pop culture.

Ah yes, finals are this week.  One Tuesday, one Thursday, and then I’ll finally have shed the last remnants of my disastrous qualifying exam.  Seven and a half months later.  I’m a better man for it, I suppose.  More hair on the chest, character with more build, so to speak.

Last week was hellacious.  12-14 hour days, meetings, last assignments, research.  No practice.  A week off.  Back on it now.  Full primary this morning.  I felt heavy.  I think my belly is getting in the way of my supta kurmasana.  At least my breath was smooth.  Standing poses saw the wonderful hillarity of dealing with a new mat.  Slippery little bugger.  Good for the adductors.

Holiday travel planz: Seattle for Christmas/little sister’s b-day, direct flight to San D for NYE and the days surrounding.  Just gotta make sure the corners of the west coast are tucked-in for the new year.  Snug as a bug in a rug, as a wise person once said.