New Body January 31, 2006

Neti said to me on Sunday night, as I was whining about supta kurmasana, “hey man, you’ve got new legs now.” He was right. Totally. And not just new legs. My whole body feels so different than when I was practicing regularly before my hiatus. In many ways, the issues I had before are gone, and now there are issues with things that were never a problem! I sit in lotus every day, with no problems at all. Today it struck me how 6 months ago that seemed like a distant dream. On the other hand, supta kurmasana used to be totally easy for me, and now something, I can’t quite identify it, makes it almost impossible.

I can still get wrestled into it, tho. My teacher came over today and got my hands clasped and my shins behind my neck. So it’s not all gone, exactly, just shifted.

That’s fine. I’m happy to shift. I’d rather have padmasana and no knee problems than supta k any day of the week!

I got through a full 1st series today again. I have reached my goal, which was to be back to 1st series by the end of the month. Considering this is the second time in three practices, I think that counts. My wrist is more or less a bygone concern, though it’s still tender in kukkutasana. I actually contemplated pasasana today, but decided I’m going to get a little more of the benefits of yoga chikitsa before diving into nadi sodana.

Working like a dog lately, but feeling good about it. This week is a big lift up from last. I like doing something fulfilling for a job.

Rough January 27, 2006

I woke up this morning from a nightmare two minutes before my alarm went off. That’s not a great way to start the day. Got to the shala, and the body was creaky. Got to kukkutasana and decided to call it a day. Got to savasana and was tortured by waking nightmares for the whole time. Shit percolating to the top from deep inside my memories. Visions of people I’ve hurt in the past. Today was a reminder of how in the course of my life, I have caused others pain here and there. Swell. But I got to see some good music tonight and I accomplished a few things professionally today, notably that I have secured not only my entire qualifying exam committee, but also, most likely, the date as well. I’m three months out from the most intense test of my life. Good thing I’m processing the mind sewage now.

Squash January 26, 2006

Not on the mat today as I have a conference to go to on short notice, but I practiced yesterday. Monday and Tuesday were not possible for me to get up. I was emotionally too exhausted. Yesterday I fought through the haze and got to practice and wound up doing the full first series for the first time since October. My body felt good. Not only did I stand up from urdhva dhanurasana again, but I did my drop-back/stand-ups too. The back is getting there. It’s like slowly breaking all the rust off an old flexy pipe to see the shiny metal underneath. Supta kurmasana is still my enemy, but other than that, it feels like the body is quite close to where I left it in October…ole!

It’s late but… January 22, 2006

…I still wanted to post. Nice Sunday practice. Friday was rad as well- I even stood up from a backbend. I guess it’s all still there, I just have to get in shape. Today I was heavy. No wonder, it was a heavy day. I have a parallel life with my best friend. We both experienced a large loss today, totally dependent on making a decision and carrying it through. So in a way you could say we chose it. But do we ever choose anything? The right thing to do has nothing to do with what I want or feel. The only choice is to either do the right thing, or postpone it…. Karma always tells.

I’m here at almost 11, with a day of friendship behind me, a day of mourning, a day of calm. The final measure in a series of recent changes is complete, and I feel…free. I guess tomorrow, it’s back to work, eh?

Ratustation January 19, 2006

Procrastinating my studies…a little. I’ve had this concept in my head that I’d slowly get back to the full first series as I got in shape- i.e. I’d do all my vinyasas for as far as I could and each day just try to add one pose. Today I decided in sun salutations that the only thing keeping me from doing the full series was my mind. I didn’t need to warm up to it, I could just charge it. So I took a different approach- do only vinyasas between sides and do the whole series. I forgot about one thing: kukkutasana. No can do on the wrist. So I’ll stop at garbhapindasana until that heals up a bit more. It’s fine in everything except that pose, where, due to my hands being close together, the kinking pressure on the outside of my wrist is too much.

But I did get to there, which was nice. Tiring, but nice. Oh, and I have a new pose that makes me feel fat now besides mari d: supta kurmasana. Whoa. Used to always be easy for me, but if your belly is bigger and denser due to bloating or fat or whathaveyou, it’s way harder to curve the back enough to get those hands clasped. So I have noticed this morning with myself.

I don’t think it’s all fat. Mostly bloat, in fact. I didn’t gain that much weight. Noticable amounts, but not enough to change that pose. No, it’s a digestive thing. But I still FEEL fat, and well, how much of that can a girl take? Whoops, alter ego. Sorry. (Honestly, do you ever hear men talking about being fat?) I did as a dancer all the time, but chances are most of anyone reading this wasn’t a dancer, so yeah. Enough about the problems. I’m on track. It’s all good. The bod will always come around, with consistency. And patience. And hey! I have very little problems with lotus these days, so that’s a plus. It’s something I’ve gained during my time away.

Back in action January 17, 2006

Seriously…my wrist wasn’t hurting at all today…amazing. So I did the first practice with all my jump backs and jump throughs since Manju in October. That was a little tough. I’m way outta shape. So I stopped at janu C since I figured that even though I had a lot of energy (I felt like I’d gotten shot out of a cannon today when I woke up), I might as well save SOME of it for the rest of the day. Tomorrow, I’ll push a little deeper into primary. And now that my wrist looks like it’s going to cooperate, I can move past navasana to arm balancing bujapidasana (though I’m uncertain it’ll take me jumping into that like I normally would)…just going to have to see. But I really cherish the time on the mat. It’s so very nice. I missed it, and walking in to that warm shala with the folks there…it feels like I’m home.

Burgandy January 15, 2006

Not that there is any real crimson to anything today, but it’s just so gorgeous outside that it made me think of the wine country….

Hauled my still-sick-but-getting-ever-less-tolerant-of-admitting-it-to-myself carcass to the shala today for the first time in a week. I managed to peel out two meager practices at home last week, and today was the first time I felt like I wouldn’t be contagious so I took advantage of the heat and the shared energy. I managed to get to the end of standing, do dandasana and paschimottanasana, and promptly discover that was all I had energy for. I sat in padmasana for a bit meditating, and then a short savasana. It then took about 10 minutes sitting on the lobby couch sipping tea before I could get out of there.

I got to sit in the sun earlier, and I reflected on how long it’s been since I did that. I haven’t just sat and felt the sun beating on my face for months. It was fantastic. I’m filled with a lightness and joy today, and I can only think of two things- the fact that the full moon has passed (I had a gnarly run-up to that one, in Cancer no wonder) and the wonderful cloudless blue sky that covers us today.

Alas, the books are calling. I have a short soiree with “Electrode Dynamics” and then a longer engagement with “Brock Biology of Microorganisms.” If I had a nightstand big enough to put those on, and the madness to have those near my head when I was sleeping, I’d put up that “on the nightstand feature.” As it is I try to forget about books when I have the chance….

Ganesha comes alive January 14, 2006

Design by Neti, ink and creative amendment by Dave Hartman at Guru Tattoo. This was finished right after Christmas with the total needle time coming to 10 hours for the entire piece (remainder not pictured).

Sick January 11, 2006

Second day at home for fear of breathing on too many people…

I managed a weakend practice this morning with a nice, if short (like the rest), meditation at the end. My spine was unusually tender, so I spent some good time slowly working the up-dogs and then some seated twists after my sun sals ran out of steam.

I’m on meltdown, that’s for sure. But alas, the most important thing for me to be doing with my days right now is studying for my qualifying exams, and I can still do that while I’m stuck at home. Lucky me.

Sunday January 8, 2006

Good hot practice. The shala now starts Mysore at 9am on Sundays…I can’t tell you how much I love THAT. And of course, as I walk in at 9, the place is already packed. I always find that amusing.

Other things I find amusing=being totally exhausted by the end of navasana. What a joke! Ah the wonderful wondering wonderment of getting back in shape. Woof!

Beautiful day today. Going to take the bike out. Going to see Neti. Going to study. Maybe.