That’s all folks April 29, 2005

Even though I had less sleep than the night before, this morning was outstanding. Ahhh, what the power of knowing this is the last practice can do. Fridays are great in general for that reason. Today was extra special, of course with it being my last practice with Guruji, Sharath, and Saraswati. There were many senior teachers in practice this morning, which was massively larger than any of the other days I went. Since it was Friday, the second series class was combined into the first series class. There was a bit of a buzz in the room before class, probably because of the sheer numbers of people, but I’m sure the added celebrity didn’t hurt. In any case, the energy was high, and I fed off it in joy. I was warm earlier than usual, and I felt strong all through the practice. My grumpiness was gone, and instead I had a very nice feeling of calm all through practice today. Poses weren’t held nearly as long in the usual spots though. Any place where Guruji had held us before was definitely reduced today. Savasana was longer, which I was grateful for. But it didn’t happen when he said “lay down.” No, at that point everyone started clapping, and it continued as everyone stood up and gave a goodbye ovation to the family. I got very choked up at this point. When it died down Guruji again said “ok, sit down,” smiling, everyone giggled and we got a nice savasana.

The reception line moved like a snail as many of us took extra time with Guruji taking photos or getting things signed. That was fine, as I got to catch up with a few folks who had been attending, including Jenna. Our conversation was hilarious, as we’d both been reading each other’s blog and started enquiring immediately as to how each other was doing in reference to that. I’ve grown more used to this kind of thing in the last few months, but it’s still so weird to start talking with all this information they didn’t directly give you. Anyway, it was nice to have a chat with her- she’s a very pleasant person- and catch up with some of my buddies from 7th Heaven, including my teacher, who had observed us yesterday and was happy at how “on program” we all were. I felt pretty good about that. Yes, yes, I know- ego ego hari hari boom boom, whatever. It’s nice every once in a while to get an “attaboy” you know? Yes. It was hard to leave today. Everyone mingled about for a while and slowly, reluctantly, we went out the door and it was over. I hope it’s not the last experience I get with Guruji, but if it was, I feel immensely gratified by it. I’ll have some pix up later today or tomorrow.

Second to last day April 28, 2005

Thursday. Jeez was I moody this morning. Really moody. I was happy to practice, and I felt rested enough, but for some reason, I had no patience for the various things that happen when anyone leads a class, much less the boss himself. Today was a day where I really wanted to just be able to do my own practice, the way I felt like it. Instead I was obligated to listen to someone else’s count, stay in poses for time determined with someone else’s discretion, and deal with the inevitable discrepancies in symmetry that come from someone else trying to help all the other someones in the room besides me. And as moody as I was, I was not in the mood for this. After about 20 breaths in urdhva mukha paschimottanasana, I think I may have even rolled my eyes. Not because I couldn’t handle the physical part of the pose, or even because this was unusual- it’s not- but because I couldn’t handle the emotional part of not knowing when it was going to end. Today was a day where I had no patience, and the only time I feel like one has to have patience is when the ending is not clearly determined. When you know how long you have to wait, it doesn’t require patience, IMHO. It’s kind of like how I think you can only call something a committment if you go into the pact not knowing exactly what’s going to happen. If you know how everything will turn out, it’s not a committment. But that’s a separate point. Today I couldn’t STAND holding one side for three breaths longer than the other, and I was super grumpy about yet another day of setu bandhasana where the count gets to 4 and then silence fills the room, slowly being replaced by groans, snapping necks, bodies dropping to the floor, and straining re-attempts, ragged breathing from strain. Because I do it even when I’m grumpy. I stay in urdhva mukha paschimottanasana even though my ego has left the pose, is sitting cross-legged next to me and glaring at the teacher, in frustration. I hold chaturunga just a few more seconds even though the last one I decided to belly flop. I figure out a way to get around this grumpaloon in my head that wants to get up and walk away, or curse at the guru, or get in an argument about how ridiculous it is that we’re being asked to do things in such and such a way. Because this is part of the practice too. Living with the troll that is my monkey mind. Letting it come, letting it go. Kicking its ass sometimes. The truth is, when I’m always doing my own practice, that little troll comes around much less. It’s the letting go to someone else, the surrender, that’s what brings it up the most. So it was a good practice, even though I was moody. In fact, all told, it was a great practice, physically. But the longer I do this practice the longer I see how little that matters. The triumph, the important work today had nothing to do with my body. It was in not giving up. Giving in.

Day 4 April 27, 2005

Oh man am I tired. Last night I went on a fixed-gear riding adventure with Neti and Mrs. Neti to celebrate his new bike purchase and it was one of the more fun things I’ve done in a long time. Of course, we then had to get up before 5 this morning and do another day with the crew. Holy crap. I’m seriously lacking sleep. I was just trying to do some online research for my project here at the lab and I was falling asleep at the computer. I was falling asleep reading an article at lunch today- in a restaurant! I was falling asleep on the train on the way in from the city this morning. Jeez. My body is worn out. And it’s only Wednesday.

Practice this morning was very nice, in spite of my fatigue. I wasn’t sure I’d have the strength, but for some reason, the longer I practiced, the stronger I got. Bizarre, but not surprising to me. This practice does amazing things. Everything was shorter and faster today than it has been so far. Even uttplutihi wasn’t that big of a deal, compared to the normal sluggers we’ve been getting. Savasana was MAYBE 90 seconds. That’s been getting shorter all week. Tomorrow it’ll be like “lay down…thank you very much.” Friday we’ll probably skip it. But I got a good sweat going today which isn’t easy in the big space, and I felt very good in my flexibility. Now I’m wondering how I’m going to survive two more days…I’m just not getting enough sleep. I think I’m starting to glimpse how Julie must be feeling!

That and doing a major ride in the middle of things wasn’t the greatest idea for muscle strength recovery, but hey, it was worth it. We had so much fun. I learned how to do trackstands- staying upright on the bike without moving- and got some good fixed-gear hooligan action going in the streets with the cars. Perhaps today I’ll be able to sleep the whole way in to the city on the train. That’ll be my early evening nap! Yikes. So much to do today. And it’s not letting up. As much as I’ve loved the workshop, I’m going to enjoy my normal routine coming back as well.

Day 3 April 26, 2005

Ahhh. Warmer today. And I was feeling much more motivated to be there. I decided I wanted to be in the middle of the crowd instead of off on the side like yesterday to try and get more heat. I think it helped. People were a little later coming in today, so we were up in the middle in the second row. Lessee, what were today’s tough poses…. I guess garbhapindasnana was the super-long-hold-where-you-least-expect-it winner today. We were in the hold prior to rolling for a very long time. I wasn’t counting my own breaths, but Guruji went over to help someone and spent a good deal of time doing it so we hung out there for a bit. Urdhva mukha paschimottanasana was another long hold, but that’s normal now. Uttplutihi was shorter than usual.

I got adjusted in salamba sarvangasana and karnapidasana by the man himself today. The karnapidasana adjustment was very abrupt. He just arrived, put his hand on my sacrum and pushed my back to put my knees squarely on the ground and left. They’re typically about half an inch off it. My lotus felt really good today. I’m finally, from time to time, breaking through that weird pain I have radiating down my left femur when that leg is in lotus or half lotus. That’s pretty gratifying because it feels like I’m opening through something significant. Practice is still feeling more effortless than usual. I’m really enjoying the experience, and I’m curious to see how this informs my practice next week and the resumption of second series poses as well as my serious backbending. It’s almost like I’m on a yoga vacation, while still doing my practice!

SKPJ & Co., day 2 April 25, 2005

It was colder this morning. I was more tired. I was less motivated. But I’ll be damned if it wasn’t still a great practice, much in the same vein as Friday- like swimming downstream. I actually felt a little stronger than Friday, as two days off will usually do. Flexibility was there too, and all in all I just had a good time. Despite the fact that this week began the second-series classes, the room was just as full as Friday. I thought that a large percentage of those practicioners would be absent today due to joining the second series class, and they were, but there were just as many others around to fill in. Several folks from my studio that weren’t there last week were there today, so I suspect there is a pile of folks like me who just couldn’t afford both weeks.

Guruji stuck to 5 of each sun salutation today, which was fine, but since the room was colder I could’ve used the extra ones today. I didn’t get any adjustments today, but I didn’t mind. Neti and I were talking before class about how you can take that two ways- 1. they don’t like you (or know you) and are ignoring you, or 2. you’re doing everything well enough that you don’t warrant help that some others should get. I’m sure it’s a bit of both when there are three people trying to do adjustments on 200. We had another massively long uttplutihi today, but it seemed to go by faster- probably because I was expecting it to be as long as it was. We also held urdhva mukha paschimottanasana for a good long time- longer than Friday, which was long even then. Thankfully, we got a break on setu bandasana. Friday, I forgot to mention, Guruji had us in it so long that most people had come down. Some had gone back up, some stayed down, some put their hands down. Sharath was running around trying to help people who looked like they were about to break their necks- it was a general failure for most I think. Today was just a standard 5 count. All in all, a good practice. Especially so since I was feeling fairly cold throughout.

Since Neti and Mrs. Neti have so graciously allowed me to be their roommate this week, thereby streamlining my commute issues, I was rolling with them this morning, and as we sat outside the main room putting our shoes on a woman came up to Neti and introduced herself. I was wondering who she was and then she turned to me and introduced herself again. It took a little reminder from her for us to realize she was Jenna, one of the newest bloggers and up from San Luis Obispo for the workshop. It was nice to meet her- it really has been a full-on blitz of online yogi personalities in the last couple weeks. I’ve never met so many folks that I “knew” from reading about their lives but had never seen…it’s kinda spooky! Especially since in this case Jenna recognized us out of that whole room. It’s super fun to connect with people in the flesh finally.

First day with the boss April 22, 2005

Oh wow. What a nice morning. I was so excited I woke up before my alarm at 5 and got ready. Julie and I walked in to the practice hall a little before 5:30 and right behind me was my teacher and several of the 7th Heaven crew. As the hall filled in, I got more excited. It was really amazing to me to see all these people who are all doing this thing in our lives in one big place. I knew a lot more people there than I anticipated. Neti was there with his wife, Joey was next to me on one side, Julie on the other, and several people from my studio were behind me.

When Guruji and family walked in I felt like I was seeing old friends, even though I’d never seen them before in my life. I guess the last four years of reading about them, looking at pictures of them, talking about them has rooted them in my heart in the way an old friend would be. Anyway, it was a nice experience, and I was immediately aware that my practice was going to be good, although entirely different than any other prior. Things began just as I expected, but quickly changed- we did 6 surya As and 7(!) surya Bs. The wildest part was that I wasn’t feeling any fatigue with the extra sun sals. In fact, I wasn’t really feeling much muscle effort at all. And that was the theme of the practice for me- it’s ease. I mean, it’s hard to describe because I had to lay on my belly several times to deal with the longer chatarugnas, and after utpluttihi (which, in the way I normally breath in that pose was over 80 breaths) I thought my shoulders weren’t going to work anymore, but basically, the practice felt like I was swimming downstream, being carried by a current. Quite lovely, I must say.

I got two adjustments from the crew. The first was by Guruji himself, in urdhva mukha paschimottanasana- a gentle knee to the back and a pull on the feet. The second was by Saraswati in yoga mudra. I’d been down with my left hand bound to my foot only, and then it came off, and she came by and told me to put it back on, so I did and then she tried to put my right hand on my right foot, only to simply force the left hand off. She chuckled and walked away. I got a grin on my face. Several times throughout practice Guruji cracked jokes and I found myself smiling. I don’t usually find myself smiling in the middle of practice.

The reception line was very long, but I got up to the front with the group of us that had decided to wait by about 8am or so. It was here that I realized most intently that I was not, in fact, old friends with Guruji and his family! They looked at me in that way that you do when there is no recognition. Oh well. It’s only been upon reflection while I’ve been writing this that I realized how familiar they felt to me prior to that moment. It was then that I snapped out of it! I had originally feared how my timing would work out coming into the lab today, but things went very smoothly (I even got a quick breakfast with Julie in the lobby) and I was here by 10.

Last night with Joey, Gene, and Julie was fun. All yoga conversation, all the time. Except of course some obligatory tax discussion with our resident expert! ; ) I’m looking forward to more time with all tonight. I’ll be racing away from the lab home before racing back into the city to try and get together with folks without losing too much time on the traveling. I’m really excited about next week. I hope my shoulders can withstand it!

Me, Mrs. Neti, Neti, Guruji, Julie, Joey, Gene

Thursday before Guruji April 21, 2005

The studio was almost empty today. I showed up at my more normal time of 6am, but even by the time I left at 7:30, there had only been 6 people to practice today. I hope that’s because they’re all in the city with the big man. I was (am) feeling a little drained, even after a couple good nights of rest. Yesterday I skipped practice in favor of sleep and because I was worried that if I didn’t take a day off I’d actually put in 6 practices in a week and we just can’t have that now, can we? Anyway I needed the rest, and I got a good one last night too, but I know I’m on thin ice with getting sick right now. Lots of people around me are sick and my body just feels like I’m walking that line.

So I only did first series today. A nice, happy, flexy first series. Things went well. My left leg/hip pain thingy has been very present this week, and today was the first day that I felt like I can see where it’s taking me. Several months ago I was going through this with my right hip, and it eventually went away, to the favor of my half-lotus on that side. My left side has also been improving in flexibility, but it seems now that it’s finally going through whatever my right did before. It’s a weird pain. I’m wondering if it’s not my sciatic nerve. In any case, I was able to really feel some release in ardha baddha padma paschimottanasana. That pose really gets me in this tract that’s been so painful, and with the pull applied by reaching around to grab my folded foot, I’m able to let the knee drop towards the floor, if I consciously relax the leg. Of course, this ups the pain, but today I found something new. Today I was able to relax the leg enough that I went into and through that pain, and my knee was closer to the ground than it’s ever been before. So I think that’s where I’m going- this whole issue is just a slow opening that’s running into a crux point. Cool.

Tonight is the first online ashtangi unity night. Looks like right now we have myself, Julie, Joey, Lostbobby from ezboard, and perhaps some other folks as well. Tomorrow night it appears Neti, Anne from the Ashtanga Yoga Mysore Blog, and a few others will be joining for various festivities. There will be some typical Friday night (un-ashtangi) mayhem going on if I have anything to say about it. I’m looking forward to meeting so many new folks- several of which I’ve been reading about for a long time and not yet met. It’ll be fun to throw us all in pot and see what happens, too!

NOT TO MENTION tomorrow is my very first day ever seeing, smelling, hearing, or practicing with Guruji, Sharath, Saraswati, and Sharmilla. I’m getting more and more excited as the day goes on. It’s finally time for me to have a dose of the crew. Given that I’ll most likely not make it to mysore before I finish grad school (5 or 6 years), this is the best I can do, and I’m really happy to have the opportunity. I can’t wait to throw down my own update! I’ll be practicing with them all next week, too, so this is going to be a good dose of it.

April 19, 2005

Ahhhh. My strength came back. Sorta. I still got very little sleep last night, and as I’m typing this, I’m going for a nap in my mind, but at least the body showed up for practice this morning. I had a nice, even, strong practice. I knew by mari D that I’d even have good second series poses, and I was right. The time away from them (since last Thursday) worked out well for me. I had a lot of stamina, and my back was feeling delicious. I got into kapotasana on my own, then my teacher came over and adjusted me a bit more. I liked that. Not as much as I like THE ADJUSTMENT, but close. He gave me a really good whallop in supta kurmasana too- maybe the deepest I’ve ever been in that pose. Stand-up/drop-backs were like butter today. Sooooo nice. I love that feeling. I had a nice long savasana which helped my lack of rest last night (one of these nights I’ll get a good sleep I know it) and I’ve felt great the rest of the day.

Tomorrow is my first day in my new permanent lab. I’m super psyched about this. My project is exciting to me, I’ve got new equipment to play with, and I’m finally getting to jump into the reason I came to grad school. YEAH! The rest of the week is going to be hectic though. I get to have dinner with Julie and Joey Thursday. Friday looks like it’s going to be yogi gnarliness, which is never bad. Saturday I’m helping with and attending a grad student symposium all day, and then Sunday I get to pick up the pieces, get a presentation for Monday put together, oh and go help Neti find a new fixie frame for his tall-ass self. OH, and then I get my full week with the big boss man and his crew. Very excited about that.

Smackdown April 18, 2005

Man I’m tired today. I got plenty of sleep last night, but it didn’t matter. My body is drained. My mind was (and still is) flitting around trying to deal with all kinds of logistical issues. I couldn’t stop thinking about all the things I have to coordinate this week and next, with visitors, SKPJ (a four letter acronym that now also implies the incredible feat of being in practice at 6am in San Francisco and in my lab by 9:30 or so in Berkeley every day next week- a task greatly aided by some generosity from Neti and Mrs. Neti regarding sleeping location), a graduate symposium all day this Saturday, and of course the inevitable first day week back in my new home lab. This Friday I’m going to pull the schedule too, to join some friends/bloggers that are coming into town for a couple days. I’ve even just sat down and made a crazy long list, for each day of the week, of the things I’ll do that day. I have to do this from time to time just to keep my brain from overheating! When I write it all down, I can relax- all I have to do is follow the list, and it’ll all get done. Then I don’t have to think about all the details all the time. So that’s what I was trying not to think about in my practice today. I didn’t have much success. Oh well. I just proceeded along at a slow pace, trying to channel my energy into each pose, each transition in turn. I had a fairly flexible and fluid practice in spite of my mad mind and my fatigue, but I couldn’t face second series poses. Another day of first only. That’s fine. I’m not trying to do anything right now but stay calm! I need to be in good form for each thing I have planned, and that requires conserving energy more than anything. Pacing myself for the next two weeks. After that, things will be fairly routine until the end of May. Diving in now….

San Fran Sunday April 17, 2005

Practiced at Open Door this morning. It was packed and super hot. After a day of wine tasting yesterday and dinner with Neti, Mrs. Neti and Vanessa last night, I was thinking things might not be so pleasant. I was wrong. I had a really good practice. I only did first series today- it just felt like the right thing to do. I was desiring the rejuvenative properties of yoga chikitsa. Good call. Like Friday, I was drenched today as well, and it just felt like any leftover wine demons were just leaking out of my skin. I felt pretty strong still, and the flexibility was certainly there. It was a pretty close repeat to my Friday practice, all things considered. Neti and Mrs. Neti were there too, and we went out to breakfast afterwards to a new place for me in the Mission. I love Sunny San Francisco Sunday Mornings. They really are hard to beat, anywhere. The whole world seems newborn, clean, happy, full of hope. The practice space at Open Door is one of the most beautiful I’ve ever been to because it lets in the morning sun if it’s out. Today was one of those mornings and the studio was like a temple. Very lovely. It’s hard to have a bad practice with such elements in place.