Poisoned March 31, 2005

Or something like that. I awoke feeling almost as bad as I did last Saturday morning in DC. Not good. I got to bed early last night, had a small dinner, drank plenty of water yesterday, basically had no reason to feel as poorly as I did. I had noticed last night after I got home from the garden that my new ring was especially tight after taking my shower, as in, my hands were swollen, but I attributed it to the chopping work I was doing in the garden. It was a miracle I got out of bed, much less got to the studio. I managed, though, but as soon as I was doing my sun sals, I knew I just needed to let this practice go. I felt like I needed to rest, more than anything, and my joints were not feeling great. I decided to just do standing and finishing and go home and take care of myself.

In savasana, I connected the dots. There was only one thing in common between yesterday and last Friday- a big North-Indian meal. I mean, the climate, the area code, the time zone, the people, the activities, the daily routine, the hour of waking and going to bed, the humidity, the temperature- absolutely everything was different between last Friday and yesterday, except that meal. And the next morning was the same for both. I spent some time looking at North Indian recipes trying to find some place where they add flour or something, because I can only attribute what I’ve been feeling to massive gluten intake (like it’s in a sauce or something), but I’ve had no luck. No recipe I’ve found for anything I’ve eaten calls for flour, not even chick-pea flour (which could have been substituted with wheat flour). I’m utterly perplexed. Either both restaurants added wheat and/or basic gluten in some form that was high enough to cause a major reaction the next day (and they both use different recipes than any I could find), or there is something else about the food that makes me ill. I’ve never noticed this before, but I do eat Indian food much less frequently than I used to, so maybe the differences are more notable now. Or maybe something else has changed. In any case, that sensation of swollen-ness, of feeling terrible because my body is trying to process something toxic, of wanting more than anything to just clean myself out from the inside, is something I’d rather avoid if I can. I hope I can find some understanding of what I’m experiencing.

I suppose I probably should have done my full practice to try and cleanse my system, but I just felt like ass. I thought I was doing pretty good to do what I did! My teacher stopped me as I was leaving and asked if I had to go into lab early. I explained my experience and he told me to drink plenty of water today, then do a good first series tomorrow and it will hopefully get moved out. I really like that he asks about things and has advice for how to deal outside of class. I should probably slide a juice fast in one of these days also…I’ll have to think about when I can manage that without disrupting my studies/lab work too much.

Median Pigeon March 30, 2005

A median practice, in the tradition discussed previously. It’s been a while since I had one of these, and I’m happy that I’m in a consistant enough mode for it to line up that way. Not much to speak of. Everything went nicely, lots of good energy in the room (plenty of yogis today again), the sun’s out, I just got out of the garden, life is good.

Oh, but I did have a midday soiree with Neti- we took his remaining paintings to get photographed and then deposited them at the gallery. His show is a week from tomorrow, which I’m really looking forward to. You can see some of his art (like a third of it) here. Thank God there’s a moon day the next day, ’cause we’re going to need it after the reception! I’m hoping anyway. Also, the final graphic for Co-opted III came through today, which is the third installation of the acoustic music parties my buddy Paul and I are hosting:

This will be on the following Saturday, which is going to make next week just about as cool as can be! Looks like I’ll have to throw in a Saturday practice next weekend! I’m so excited for next week that I’m barely able to think through the rest of this one. But it’s gone by quite quickly. I had some amazing salsa lessons last night- I’m really starting to feel the cuban style. The counting is very different than what they normally teach out here, and it makes one approach the music in a whole different way. I love it though. Whew! Oh, and only two more weeks after this one ’till I’m back in my permanent lab! Yeeehaawwwww………

Stoney Pigeon March 29, 2005

Whoa. Today’s practice was weird. I’ve never had one like that before. It went by fairly quickly, and everything was pretty nice as far as flexibility and heat. I was just, er, in a different mindspace. ‘Nuff said. I was really worried about my knees yesterday. One of them (my left) was hurting while I was walking. So I did the standard- castor oil with an ace bandage wrap- last night and the knee was fine today. I’m still so surprised at how well that solution works. My kees were aggravated by my excessive floor sitting in DC, I believe, and this week they’re being a little grumpy during practice so far. Today was better than yesterday on that front.

There were about three thousand people practicing today. I was the second person in the room, which is not unusual (my teacher was in there before me), but I didn’t notice the mob until I got finished with my backbending and realized how few places there were to put a mat for finishing poses. It’s nice when that happens- I love all the shakti coming off folks. Plus the heat is lovely. My back was still in good shape, which I was wondering about yesterday. I didn’t know how I’d be feeling after several days with no second series poses. Things were good though. I was stronger throughout practice today, but I was still winded by ustrasana. No adjustment in kapotasana, but a good one in pasasana- I almost felt like I’d be able to hold the first side on my own (which is much harder b/c my right arm is tighter). Speaking of tight arms- shoulders really, I’ve been noticing this week that my shoulders are slightly sore. I have no idea where that is coming from. I’m not doing anything differently than last week. Or the week before, etc. Perhaps my shoulders have just decided to start opening up more now and are a little sore from that. I’m not suffering in the range of motion department, nor in strength (any more than anywhere else), so I’m a little confused. Will wait and monitor.

The sun has finally come out for real today and I’m in a much better mood. Hopefully it’ll stick around for a brief while….

Return of the Pigeon March 28, 2005

Today was the first time I’ve gone through all my second series poses since last Tuesday. I was feeling weak today- not my usual self. Everything was a little off, no doubt due to my flight yesterday and a bit of jet lag, but also undoubtably to the crazy climate changes I’ve been through in less than a week. I’m really affected by the weather (as my constant complaining may attest to). Anyway, things weren’t terrible today, just off. My breathing needed some real concentration, because it just wanted to go all over the place. I find that odd- that sometimes the breathing leads the way, other times I have to wrangle it in. Towards the end of first series today it was finally under control, but I was more out of breath after parsva dhanurasana than usual. The whole practice kinda felt like I needed more strength than usual. My flexibility was all there, just the power was lacking. My back felt great today, too. Super easy chakra bandhasana, though the squish afterwards was sudden and strong. I wasn’t ready to release that fast. My teacher has been giving much heavier adjustments in the paschimottanasana after backbending since he got back from Mysore. Second series in general was fine and kapotasana was unassisted again today. It’s amazing how little my shoulders will move without the adjustment. So I’ve taken care to get some good food in me today- lots of protein- to try and recover some of my strength. Oh, and one good effect of the travel was that it was very easy to get up at 5:30 today. AND, since I got back, it’s light out at that time. How cool is that??!! I’m so happy.

Saturday March 26, 2005

I woke up today with that lovely “truck-hit-me” feeling. Everything felt outta whack, and I wasn’t particularly awake, even after 8 hours of sleep. I’m gluten-intolerant, and to my surprise, I was feeling mostly like I’d had a ton of gluten- puffy face, stuffed-up nose, swollen fingers/hands, achey joints…lovely I know. I can’t imagine where it came from though, because I only had one meal I didn’t make myself yesterday, and that was Indian food for dinner. Unless they do something weird here in DC with their Indian food, I don’t know what happened. Perhaps it wasn’t gluten after all. In any case, I was determined to do SOME kind of practice, so I did my nauli, got on the mat, did my sun sals and sat for 20 minutes. I went through my prayers/mantra/kriya meditation, and felt much better at the end of all of it.

Another thing though, is that here in DC the weather is terrible compared to Berkeley right now. It’s a bit colder, but more importantly, the air is super-dry. In short, coming back here has felt like walking smack into the dead of winter again, after my body and my soul has become enlivened by spring time in California. I can’t tell you how unpleasant this has been for me. It’s like walking into depression. I’ve suddenly become subdued and quiet, my skin is acting up, I’m fantasizing about the sun, and all I want to do is just sit and watch TV until I go home. The thought of going outside makes me quiver. I wake up every morning dehydrated because of how much moisture has been sucked out of my breath while I’m asleep- my lips dry and cracking from the winter air. In summation of my rant, my body is not having a good time in vata hell….

But I wanted to pause and add something that my parents and I were discussing the other day (I’m out here to visit them, as they live here most of the year). We were talking about a family friend who has a serious back problem, and I commented that she could benefit greatly from a practice of yoga. I followed this with the idea that she’d have to commit to it for some time, however, as I realized that I’ve been practicing Ashtanga for just over 4 years now. What’s astonishing to me is how most of the biggest changes in my practice have happened in the last six months. My hips opening up, my backbends becoming super-deep, my strength increasing, my prakriti coming more under control, my meditations becoming more sound, my attitude becoming less volatile…. I’ve watched so many beginners, when I was teaching in San Diego, progress so quickly at the beginning, and then hit a plateau. I’ve hit plateaus before, we all have. But after a couple years, it seemed like things were beginning to take on a more steady grade of improvement. I think they still are, but that grade has steepened since moving to the bay area. It’s quite amazing to be in the practice for this long and to watch similar effects, in terms of the magnitude of change, to that of my first year, after not witnessing much of that for a couple years in between. I’m absolutely fascinated by the transformational power of this method, if only one surrenders to it completely, shows up every day (or as much as they can- in other words commit totally), and just sticks with it. Completely amazed. Things in my past were similar, but there was always a looming danger that went with the progress. For example, in dance, as you progress, things certainly change and become better, but there’s always the sense that you’re constantly walking the edge of injury and that it’s only a matter of time before that happens- everyone eventually gets injured, because the method (most of them anyway) isn’t designed to maximize the body’s capacity, it’s just designed to maximize the particular aesthetic. Or climbing, as another example. The better you get, the more risky the climbs get, to the point that you’re seriously endagering your life in some situations. Same thing with surfing. In all of these pursuits, accomplishment leads to more risky activities. But in yoga, accomplishment doesn’t bring this danger with it. In fact, it seems the opposite: the more flexible you become, the stronger you become, the more conscious and aware of your body you become, the less likely you are to injure yourself. It’s such a different way of thinking to me! And totally due to the presence of a spiritual element, by design, in the practice. You can touch God in any activity, but yoga is designed to do exactly that, rather than have that be as a by-product, and that intention changes the thing entirely.

Good Friday March 25, 2005

So in spite of the fact that today is technically a moon day, I decided to practice. I took the last two days off, and wanted to get one in today and hopefully tomorrow. I’m just feeling like practicing, and I have nothing to do here in DC anyway so I’ve got no excuse. I’m glad I did it. Practice this morning was surprisingly nice. I decided to stay home rather than try to get up early to go to the studio here.* On my parent’s third floor (they live in an old historic district townhome block where all the houses are joined together on both sides and each floor is two or three rooms with stairs going up one side) the hot air from the rest of the house accumulates and it’s at least 10 degrees warmer than the first floor. I coaxed myself all the way through the practice with offerings of stopping early- first I was going to do only sun sals, then only standing and finishing, then only to navasana, but when I was in navasana, I felt fine and just kept going. Full primary, all vinyasas. Everything was really nice, and in fact I got a deeper bind in mari D on my second side than ever before. Dunno what that was all about. The hips were open. My back was the only sticking point, pun intended. Stick. Like not a very bendy stick. That’s what it felt like. That low lumbar/sacrum area was feeling tight again. Must be all the sitting I’ve been doing lately. I’m sure the plane flight wasn’t helpful for it. I did my urdhva d’s, stood up on the last one, and called it quits. That’s fine. All in all a very nice practice, with surprisingly good heat, and strong bandhas and breath. So glad I practiced today.

*I’ve found one of the best ways to deal with jet lag is to not get any! How I do this is simply stay on my natural rhythms when going from coast to coast. So I’d normally get tired at 10pm in Cali- I get tired here around 1am, and that’s when I go to bed! Similarly, I’d wake up naturally around 5:30 or 6 in Cali- here I get up around 8:30 or 9! It’s amazing how well this works. I basically suffer no jet lag because I don’t attempt to change my circadian rhythms.

Shot Pigeon March 22, 2005

Today was a little less fun than yesterday, but nevertheless a good practice. I was feeling the day 5 desire for a break, and tomorrow I get it. So I’m glad I persevered and did my full practice today. It’s been raining like for over 24 hours straight, which, after all the sun we had, is starting to get to me. I feel less inspired to do difficult physical tasks and look more for opportunities to sit on couches and watch movies. In any case, I made it through today, and had the strange sensation of acquiring more energy just toward the end of first series. This was nice for my second series poses, as I had more stamina there than I did yesterday. Another go at kapotasana without assistance. It’s kind of dissapointing when I do it by myself. I can get my fingers to my toes, but I have no leverage to get them further than that, and my elbows are too wide and not down to the mat. I must look like a pigeon that got hit by a car or taken out by an unfriendly passer-by with a shotgun with my wings all catywhompus like that. Come to think of it, I’m not really sure how to see a pigeon in the pose at all. I don’t ever recall watching a pigeon do an extreme backbend, but then again, I don’t live in one of the higher pigeon-populated areas of the world. Anyway, the back was nice and warmed up, and since my teacher was busy, I decided to do my unassisted chakra bandhasna for the first time since my teacher got back and I was given kapotasna. I found it much easier than the last time I did it. I had my first and second finger firmly on either side of my heels, and was able to really straighten the arms and breathe well there. Felt great. Tomorrow I fly to DC, so a needed break. Hopefully practice on Thursday, and it looks like they don’t do moon days in DC, so Friday as well. I’ll take Saturday and Sunday off (early flight on the latter) and then it’ll be so long for my spring break and back to the grind. But for now, it’s only Tuesday and I’ve got 5 more days of play time!

Morning After Pigeon March 21, 2005

Second series for the first time since last Wednesday went relatively nicely. My arms were a little shaky from yesterday’s ass-whooping, but other than that, practice was very nice. I enjoyed moving at my usual pace. The last several practices have been very sweaty. Saturday, Sunday, and today were just dripping. This has a lot to do with coming in later than usual, due do my spring break allowing me some seriously delightful hiatus-motivated sleep-in time. Got to the studio with KJS at 7 today, and it was quite warm. So my teacher left me alone in kapotasana today. My back was feeling very nice, but I got the day off from an adjustment there anyway. Chakra bandhasana was very nice and had an easy ankle-grabber there. All in all, a very nice practice, and particularly in the shadow of yesterday!

KJS and I have been having a good time this weekend. Lots of time touring around (some of it in the rain, unfortunately). She’s got several friends in the area, so she’s been bouncing around between us, but today she and I went for a brief hike in Muir Woods- a beautiful place I’ve not been to yet- and got soaking wet from the downpour! Then we had some more time in the city, up in the Haight, and met Neti and his gal for dinner. So it’s been a blogger-unification spell the last several days, both down in San Diego and up here in San Francisco. Cool. May the ashtangis of the world unite!

Led Primary March 20, 2005

As fast as yesterday’s practice was, today’s led class was slow. I think we took almost two hours to do primary series today, which is definitely slower than the way Guruji & Co. are doing things these days, according to every report I’ve heard/read and my teacher himself. I was exhausted from the effort. Going into the practice I was feeling great- nice and open, strong, good breath, etc. But the slowness of the counts was unbelievably taxing. By the time we were at navasana, my teacher’s counts were literally half the speed of my breath, which was already slower than usual for me, and there was nothing I could do to breathe any slower. Jumpbacks were agonizingly slow, to the point where we’d be in chaturunga for several seconds every time. I started trying to go as high and slowly as I could with the jump back so that I’d not have to wait there in chaturunga for that long. My arms were blasted by the end of practice, needless to say. Navasana was like the devil- the longest counts I’ve ever heard in a led primary, and we did all five. The good news was that I was able to get into mari B & D much faster and even had some time in the pose rather than spending it all on trying to get in. My back was feeling really good, too, but we only did three urdhva d’s (though we might as well have done 6 because of how long we were up in them) and by that time my arms were literally burning while I was holding the pose. All in all, I’d give the practice a thumbs up, mostly because I was actually able to complete it! I’m somewhat surprised that I was in shape enough to hold everything so long, and still keep the transitions fluid at that slow speed. Plus, we did the closing prayer at the end in call and response, so that was a real treat. I need to learn that on my own because I love it- the sound, but mostly the meaning. I think it’s time for a nice long bath…and a nap.

Short and sweet March 19, 2005

Practice today was, uh, fast. 75 minute primary. Unfortunately, KJS and I had some difficulty with the BART system this morning and wound up being a little late to the studio. However, once we were there, it was a really great practice. My teacher was practicing, along with most of the more advanced students at the studio, but there wasn’t a crowd, so it was a really nice, intense, focused energy in the room. I enjoyed that. I fed off it. Normally if I had been practicing as fast as I did today, I would’ve lost my breathing rhythm, but not so this time. I was able to keep a very even ujjayi throughout. Everything was smooth, loose, and open. The room was really warm and starting at 9:40 helps! It’s almost like practicing in the afternoon, compared to 6. The really good news about practice today was that my back felt relatively normal during backbends. I’m very happy about that- I was getting worried after Friday’s practice. But it looks like I was just a little sore, no real damage. Tomorrow is led primary, which I’m looking forward to.