Yeeehaw November 29, 2004

It was cold today. Like the room refused to warm up. I knew it was warming up, though, because I was sweating a lot, but my skin felt cold the whole practice. In spite of this, I was fairly open and got advanced through krounchasana AND salabasana. Yea! Very cool. I have no idea what my teacher is basing his judgement on, though pasasana did feel a bit more stable (even with the distinct feeling that I ate too much Indian food for lunch yesterday). I got into mari b on the left for the first time in ages, but he wasn’t yet in the room when I did that so he wouldn’t have seen it. I guess that needs some clarification. Practice at my studio officially beings at 7, but the studio is open at 6 because there are many of us that need to be places at 9 or earlier. Our teacher comes early and does his own practice in a different room and then comes in to the main room at 7. I’m usually the second person there and because of this I’m somewhere in the marichyasanas at 7. Today I was in mari d, so he wouldn’t have seen my mari b on the left. Baddha konasana was good also. His adjustment was easy enough, but I actually was able to do some mental imaging and breath to get further down than I have been in a while. My knees are very close to being down in all three versions.

So, yeah, more of second. I was suprised to hear krounchasana, that’s for sure, but not as surprised as I was to get two poses in one day. Although, in retrospect that makes sense. Krounchasana is a fairly easy pose for me because I’ve got loose quadraceps and can easily do supta virasana with my knees together. Combined with flexible hamstrings I wrist-bound and got my chin to my shin without much trouble. Salabasana is a nice one for me, too, both a and b. I feel like I can get pretty good lift in that pose due to lots of swimming and surfing over the years strengthening up my back. I haven’t done bhekasana in a while, though I know my back and my shoulders are more flexible now so I’m curious how that’s going to look, but one thing at a time here. Backbends felt really strong and loose, just like yesterday. Some days I feel flexible, but vulnerable, like my back is weak. Some days I just feel tighter than usual. But the last couple days I’ve felt really open and really safe. Wild. I actually don’t recall having this kind of sensation in backbends. In any case I’m easily adjusted into grabbing the ankles now, though my teacher didn’t really push it today. Sometimes his adjustments are quite quick and when getting your hand put on your leg in backbends can literally take your breath away. Today he just kinda gave a little tug on my hands and therefore I didn’t get all the way into my grab, though I was able to really straighten the arms and expand the stretch. All in all a great practice, even with the cold. Man. I hate the feel of cold air on my skin when I’m practicing. I think I’m going to buy some yoga pants for the winter practices since I only have two pairs of capris and the rest are shorts. Brrrrrr.

Giddyup November 28, 2004

Today was my first day back to a full practice in eleven days. My strength is back completely and the disease has been vanquished. There was good heat in the room today and I got a good sweat going by the end of sun salutations. I appreciate that so much now after the cold of my last practice in Seattle. Dang. Even though I was feeling strong today, I’ve lost a little stamina from the detour of being sick. Bandhas were a little lazy today, and I had to really fight my spazzy brain. My head was all over the place. I flitted in and out of my concentration, alternating between my breath and my lab project, back to the breath, what’s going on with S, back to the breath, etc. Very distracted today. Usually I try to fight it, but today I decided to try and channel it. If my mind is so active, why don’t I try and solve a particular problem. Often, if I just set a question in front of all that mental energy, I get amazing answers within the practice. I’ll describe what I came up with below. Mostly, I was feeling good and open today, if a little fatigued by the vinyasas by around mari D. I got a productive adjustment in baddha konasana today- my hips are definitely ready for more of that. My teacher is on it too. Backbends were super loose. I had really solid drop back/stand-ups, and for the assist at the end, I lowered back and walked my hands to my heels in less than a breath. My teacher didn’t adjust me. When I got up he said it’d be better to ease back into the ankles, so we’ll do the adjustment tomorrow. Overall, a great practice.

So what did I set my mind to in practice today? I decided to devote some fresh energy to what may be the cause of my blockage in baddha konasana. To sum up where I am with that, a few months ago, my teacher began giving me heavy adjustments in baddha k and I was able to get knees down, head down on a regular basis, albeit with quite a bit of pain. Eventually, it got too much for me to take, and was beginning to have a deleterious effect on the rest of my practice, so I had to back off, and didn’t get any adjustments for about a month. Now the pain has subsided, my other postures have returned to their openness, and I can handle more mellow adjustments there. In prior entries, I’ve detailed my psychological links to that pose and the issues it has brought up for me. Well, with the cessation of adjustments, I more or less stopped thinking about those connections. Today I approached it fresh. After thinking along the old lines of thought again (baddha k is connected to the second chakra, there is a distinct link with the pose and personal sexual insecurity, I can’t release because I’m blocked with my mind, etc.) I finally came up with a striking new question. If I’m not able to open there because I’m blocked, and blockage happens because I’m protecting myself, then what am I protecting myself from? This has opened up an entirely new way for me to investigate this issue. The first answer that came to me was that I’m protecting myself from humiliation, from shaming. That was bizarre, because I don’t have any memory of something like that happening in my life before. But the answer feels right, so I’m going to continue from there. In any case, it was good to shed some alternative light on the subject. Some kind of release needs to happen with me before I’m going to get into that pose or into the lotus poses easily. I’m sure it’s going to take much more time, and may be very gradual. But I’m sure fascinated with the psycho-physical links there. My body gets so tense when I’m in baddha k. Somehow I’ve got to let all that go.

Happy turkey day November 25, 2004

Practiced in the ice-cold locker that is my parents’ bottom floor this morning. Gear list: mat, rug, yoga shorts, pajama pants, t-shit, sweater, beanie (and a partridge in a pear tree)- check check check check check check check. No birdie. Damn it was cold. And dark. Did you know that Seattle is as far north as Maine, if not further? Well it is, and you can tell. The sun didn’t even think about showing up until after 7 and we’re even on standard time, and not near the shortest day of the year yet. It’s times like these when I miss San Diego.

But, practice was reasonably good. With all that shit on, I was able to actually sweat, but it was too cold for me to feel good about a full practice, so I did my standard shortie: standings, finishings and out. About 45 minutes. Really nice. A good way to start Thanksgiving. I had a good meditation, with lots of tangible energy flow up the spine. Spent some time praying to those in difficulty, and generally for the wellness and prosperity of my friends and family. The finishing prayer seems particularly relevant on Thanksgiving.

Svasti prajabhyah paripalayantam nyayena margena mahim mahisah
Gobrahmanebhyah subhamastu nityam lokasamasta sukhino bhavantu
Kale varsatu parjanyah prthivi sasyasalini
Desoyam ksobharahito brahmana santu nirbhayah

May all be well with mankind. May the leaders of the earth protect in every way by keeping to the right path.
May there be goodness for those who know the earth to be sacred. May all the worlds be happy.
May the rains fall on time, and may the earth yield it’s produce in abundance.
May this country be free from disturbances, and may the righteous be free from fear.
(from AYRI)

Om namo bhagavate vasudevaya
Om shanti shanti shanti

Home November 24, 2004

Finally, the disease has broken. Yesterday I awoke feeling like a human being again, though it was took late to practice as I had to get into the lab. But this morning I rejoicingly woke at 6:15 ready to practice. A friend of mine from San Diego who practices at the same studio I came from is up this weekend and I went to see her dj a show last night in the city. This morning she joined me at my studio (she’s a wonderfully advanced ashtangi). My practice felt amazing. The first two sun salutations felt so good that I actually got chills while transitioning from upward to downward dog on both of them! Wild. By the tenth, however, I was a little shaky, so I decided on half-vinyasa today. A good call. I was moving a little more slowly than usual, trying to conserve a little energy, plus I was only planning on going to navasana so I didn’t get myself too worn out. This all worked well. I had a fabulous practice. I was loose, but able to maintain great bandha holds and dristi. Backbends were really nice, though I forwent the assisted part as an additional ease-in point. I’ll be at my folks place tomorrow, so I’ll do a minimal practice. Friday is the full moon in Gemini (Jeez, I’ve been feeling this one for a week, added to the sickness) so I’ll take the day off there. Easy practice Saturday morning as I have an early flight, and then back into the swing of things Sunday morning hopefully. So good to be back though, and of course, I felt much better after practice than before. Getting on the mat this morning felt like coming home. And this afternoon I board a flight to go meet my family. What a day.

Sick November 22, 2004

Thursday it didn’t seem so bad. Even got up feeling all right at the usual 5:30 and went to practice. Wasn’t feeling great, though so I decided to just do a short practice- standing, finishings and long savasana. Friday saw the bug hit full force. Slept in. Saturday, Sunday, no chance. So last night I hoped I’d be feeling up to it and even set my alarm for a decent hour to try and allow myself to be coaxed into getting up this morning. Nope. Needed more sleep. Over the weekend, the bug has picked up some momentum, and so today I’m just hoping to have enough stamina to get through the short week with my experiments and assignments intact. It’s unbelievable how difficult it can be for me to do simple things like calculate molarities for solutions, or plan out reagents, or just plain-old follow a protocol when I’m feeling like this. It’s a cold. Not that many symptoms aside from a semi-stuffed nose, but man the hit is on inside. Guess my body is taking some down time. I’ll be going into the lab late today so I can get some work done at home in my pjs with tea, and then attack the lab work with midday vigor- always when I’m feeling the best. I’ve postponed a major assay until tomorrow, so I can make sure to prepare for it well. As for practice, I think I’m going to stick to meditation until my body doesn’t feel like my head will explode when I bend over. I am still getting in floor time to work on the hips, but as far as exertion goes right now, that’s out of the realm of possibilities. Hope I’m better before turkey day.

Vrrooom, sniffle November 17, 2004

Nice practice today. Everything was clicking. It was basically the same temperature as yesterday, but I kept my pajama pants on longer and kept the pace up during the standing poses and wound up getting a little warmer. I was rewarded with more open hips. Finally got another adjustment from my teacher in baddha konasana. It was much lighter than the ones from before when I was going all the way to the ground. Now he simply adds pressure to my thighs while rolling them forward and lets me do the work with the torso alone. It’s good- that’s about all I can take. Backbending was outstanding. I could feel it as I was working my stand-up/drop-backs that I was going to have a good adjustment. Sure enough, I got hands on the ankles without even needing to towel them down first, and was able to hold it for five breaths, straightening the arms and everything. This was definitely the deepest I’ve been in the pose and for the longest, and when I came up I didn’t even have that floaty feeling or a ringing in my ears or anything. There was a little adjustment in my back during the pose, but that happens frequently and it didn’t hurt at all. It was just a solid open experience. My teacher came out after class to ask me how my back was doing and I told him “great!” He acknowledged that and also brought up baddha k saying that he was thinking we should start the adjustments again- I said I was ready- he said yes but that we should do them much lighter than before- and I agreed and he ran back in to the studio. Funny, we didn’t even need to have that discussion- we were thinking the same thing. It definitely is good to KNOW each other is thinking the same thing, however. So it was a good session. Very nice.

I fear tomorrow will not be the same. Around midday I realized I’m fighting a cold of some sort. A friend of mine was sick over the weekend, so I may have caught her bug, but she beat it in a couple days so I’m not terribly worried. My immune system has been really holding fast for a long time, but I think the stress of my schedule and the continued exposure during the semester has worn me down a little. Of course it could just be some de-toxing from the backbending! I’ve read about people that get extreme fevers after serious backbending and wake up the next day feeling fine. One story SKPJ told someone that if they were hungry when they got a fever, they weren’t sick- you don’t feel hungry when you get sick and have a fever. That’s certainly true in my case. But I don’t have a fever, just a stuffy nose and swollen glands. Bummer. I feel pretty good, and I was starving tonight, so I’ll try to get up and go at the normal time, allowing for the possibility that I may have to do a short practice or sleep more or something. I’m making sure to get to bed early though. Lots of fluid, vitamin C, whatever else I can find, and sleep. I’ll beat it!

Rushed November 16, 2004

It was colder than usual today, and I was feeling rushed. I knew I wasn’t going to get as warm as usual, because even after standing poses, I could still feel cold air on my skin. Additionally, I wanted to get into the lab by 9 this morning to meet with my PI, and that takes precise timing. Since I had gotten to the studio a few minutes later than yesterday, I knew the timing was going to be close. As it turned out, keeping my pace up was good for my heat anyway, but I did have to take it easy in my half-lotus poses. They only open up when I’m super warm right now. My head was all scattered too because of having several things to get done today that I wasn’t totally prepared for, so it was harder to keep my concentration than usual. But I got through my practice in a good time, was reasonably open in all my poses, and managed to get my concentration back. Finishing poses felt really good today, which I never seem to notice, and I had a decent savasana despite being distracted at the beginning of practice.

My work in the lab is captivating and I find myself wanting to stay late and get more done. This however puts a crimp on my homework time and adds an element of stress to all of that. I’m going to have to buckle down more on the weekends and do more work then. That means less social time. Yuck. Especially because when I’m working hard, I really need the breaks. Ah well, next week is short due to the holiday, and then I have only two weeks to finals and then I have a huge break. Guess that means it’s time to really charge it.

Forward November 15, 2004

A new week. Everything went pretty smoothly. I had really nice dristi control, the bandhas were there, and I felt strong. Sleep was poor last night, but I still managed to get up and to the studio. Once I’m there I’m usually ok with motivation. There was a good heat in the room, so things opened up nicely. My teacher isn’t back from NYC yet, so we had a sub, but not the usual one. I got an adjustment from her in baddha konasana, and it hurt, but wasn’t the complete and utter feeling of horror like the last couple of weeks. Looks like I’m ready for another couple weeks of adjusting in that pose when my teacher returns. I wanted to do my own walk-ins during backbends today, so I did and managed to get my fingers almost to the heels and straighten the arms. Wasn’t as open as it can be, but it still felt good. Spent some time after sirsasana dedicating my practice and praying. I usually do that, but lately I’ve been trying to direct it more outward, trying to send the energy to others. There’s been some people I know about that need it. I was too spazy during savasana to really rest, so that was shorter than usual. Same stuff that kept me up last night: a potential new opportunity. Always sure to keep me up. Especially if I’m trying to figure out if it’s real. Blah.

I began my first day in the new lab rotation today. I’m loving it already. A whole day in the lab went by so fast. Amazing. It’s powerful when I have enthusiasm about my work, I must say. Not much else to say because I have so much homework to attend to.

Saturn Practice November 13, 2004

Well, I don’t remember the last time I practiced on a Saturday, but it was pretty good. I’m anticipating a late night tonight, and because we had yesterday as a moon day I wanted to make sure I got in one practice this weekend. Beginning practice at nine felt a little weird, but my body was certainly less stiff than it is at six. I was able to get a great heat going, in part to the warm room, but also to the fact that it’s a beautiful day outside, sun blazing, and the general temp is way up compared to normal early morings. I find that my body is very responsive to the relative temperature outside, even when the room temperature is the same. For example, in the summer, I don’t need to do all my sun sals to get a sweat going, but in the winter, sometimes I have to do extra, even with the room temp the same. Weird huh? It’s like I’m cold blooded or something.

So things went well today. I was as into all my poses as I normally am in the mornings. I took it easy on backbends again though, because my normal teacher wasn’t there and because I was feeling a little sore in the low back. The last two practices I haven’t noticed that until urdhva d- as in, I don’t feel it during upward dogs, and it seems a little better after 5 drop back/stand ups, but not enough that I really want to push it. So, it’s a gorgeous day (forcast said rain- HA!) and I’m going to go get out in it. Happy weekend!

On a different note, I dedicated my practice this morning to a friend of a friend who was just diagnosed with breast cancer. I hope any energy and prayer that I can send will be helpful. She will be in my thoughts in the coming days as well. I think it’s important that we ground ourselves with the simple fact that if we’re practicing only for our own good, we may never get beyond our attachments. But if our motivation has an element of wanting to be better for the world around, to help others by helping ourselves become more loving, I think that’s where our practice can really begin to flourish.

Om namo bhagavate vasudevaya
Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

Week: Fin November 11, 2004

Today was a good culmination of the week. Since my studio observes moon days as they are posted by AYRI, we practiced today, and have tomorrow off. I really enjoyed my practice today. I was super warm- like when you have sweat dripping off at all times- and felt strong and light. Bandhas were tight, dristi was automatic- in the flow. I almost wish I was practicing tomorrow so I could seal the whole week in. As it is, my teacher is going to NYC (say hi KJS) over the weekend and so the same teacher will be doing Sat and Sun practices so I may go on Saturday. I dunno. But in any case the practice today was nice. Backbending was a little less flexible than maximum, due to pushing it all week, but I was able to do some really good isolation in the upper back with my walk-in straighten the arms thing. The joints weren’t a problem either. Mari D on the right, yet again. I’m beginning to think I might have it finally. But I think I have to cross the three week mark before I count it. I got through two weeks on the left and then the damn knee gave out, so I’m skeptical. It’s probably going to come and go anyway, depending on how I’m feeling, heat, etc. After pasasana, my teacher said “good”- which he always says, actually. I don’t understand that because I feel like I’m light years away from it, but it’s his judgement. Anyway, today he asked if I was touching my hands in mari B and D on both sides after pasasana. I told him I didn’t have the left yet, and he said, “ok, well lets just sit on it then.” I guess that’s what I have to do to get further into second: mari B and D on both sides. Not surprising, if this is my first post you are reading, as that would seem obvious. But if you know the back and forth I’ve gone through, that would seem a bit more telling. Since I’ve been able to move through the rest of first and even begin second without those two poses, there’s a lot of personal customization that my teacher has done for me in an effort to aid in getting the half-lotus poses more open. At least now I know what he’s thinking- which may be bad since I can already see I might be more tempted to push myself in those poses. Well, it’s time to practice a little discipline. So yeah. Good practice. My first lab rotation at grad school ended today, also, and Monday I begin in a new lab with a new project. My first year of grad school is a third finished. Wow. I guess that’s it for now.