Whoa. The last couple days have been action-packed. So much so that yesterday I didn’t even have time to sit down and blog. Practices after the full moon have been kinda tough. The stress of grad school is nailing me this week. Tuesday night I had to read a ton, went to bed right after, woke up yesterday at 5:30 and didn’t actually stop doing things until 10:30pm. Non-stop day. After a previous one. Looks like today things have calmed down considerably, though my practice this morning was very indicative of the pounding I’ve had this week. I was really sore today, and a little tired. Not as much strength as usual. I’m also sore in weird places, too, because I went climbing on Monday night (a regular once a week thing at this point) and didn’t have practice to straighten out all the kinks Tuesday, so I was more affected by the effort the last couple days than normal. But I’ve also had a tough time keeping myself well enough hydrated, so that’s definitely contributing to the soreness and lack of muscle recovery. Still grabbing the ankles in backbends, and I got the head and knees down yesterday in baddha k (today I was too sore to pull that off again). I’m getting tons of resistance from something under my hip flexors, deep where the thigh meets the pelvis. I’m thinking illiopsoas, actually, because when I get the adjustment, I can feel stretch deep at the hip there, but it extends up to the thigh all the way to the knee. Had to take it easy today, though. Felt kinda off in general today. I was glad to be next to a really solid practicioner. His energy kept me focused. Alright, that’s as much of a break as I can take right now.
Deeper than ever September 27, 2004
I had a lot of trouble going to sleep last night. Many things were rushing around in my head, demanding attention. It was a good thing I was so tired, otherwise I would have never actually slept. Needless to say, waking up this morning was not the most friendly experience, however practice was very deep, more below. There were several people there at 6:15, so we did the chant together which is always nice. The room filled up quickly, adding energy and heat. Today was a very full day. All spots were taken, and people were spilling into the finishing asana area. I noticed my buddy from SD come in around 6:30 or so- looks like he liked the place and is planning on making it regular.
Supta kurmasana was the deepest adjustment I’ve had before. Left leg way behind the head, like I felt my left calf muscle back there, and the right corresponded. I held the urdhva dwi pada fairly easily, too. I got knees down AND head down in baddha konasana for the first time in my life. It wasn’t as intense as some of the other adjustments I’ve had in that pose, actually. It still took a while to get down- like ten breaths. And then he held me there. Baddha B (forehead to the feet) happened too, and in C my knees were down with little trouble. Something shifted for me. I was nowhere near any of that yesterday, and today it wasn’t too hard to do. I wasn’t doing anything particularly different with the breath or bandhas, either. Funny how this practice works, huh? It didn’t stop there, though. Backbending was great. The last few practices I’ve had soreness in my lower back due to that small pop I felt there- I wrote about that when it happened. But it hasn’t really been present in the backbending. Instead I notice it more in the kurmasanas and right after. I guess I’m stretching that out a bit. The soreness isn’t injury pain- it’s like an over-stretched muscle, but it feels like it’s right on the vertebrae. Anywho, I was able to walk my hands to my heels all by myself today, and my teacher put them on my ankles (all of this is no longer with the head on the ground, hasn’t been for a while- I can’t remember if I’ve emphasized that recently). Is that surprising to anyone besides me? I mean, that seems crazy. What a morning. I can’t remember ever having a practice that much more open from a practice the previous day. Not to mention, all three adjustments were first times. How often do you have more than one in a practice?
This full moon in Aries, my birth sign, was forecast to bring important things to intense levels. I hope the other important things in my life go as well as practice today! I actually have had a circumstance in my personal life come to a head in such a way that I’ve had to release a lot of hope and excitement. It’s odd, but I can see the relationship between being forced to let go of what I so dearly wanted to happen (which is a bad feeling) and being able to be adjusted to new depths (a good feeling). I guess the emotional step has allowed my body some of the same letting go. I’m interested to see if this is a one-day thing, or if I will be able to retain the physical release. My mood is certainly matching the gloomy day, though, in spite of all that opening. I know October is almost here, but I’m not ready for gloomy days yet. Today is cold and overcast, which certainly is appropriate. I feel like I’ve had to basically give up on something I cared about a lot. Something I’ve been praying for. Well, everything works out the way it’s supposed to. I’m glad I’m able to make the release total.
Sunshine September 26, 2004
I had a wonderful surprise at the studio today. As I was briefly chatting with a fellow practicioner outside the mysore room prior to beginning class, a buddy of mine from San Diego came around the corner. We had both been practicing at the same studio for a few years, and now he’s moved up here just like me. I knew he was coming soon, but I didn’t expect to see him at today’s class. Perfect! It was so nice to see a familiar face. The last couple days have been tough for me for reasons I won’t get into, but this was like a burst of sunshine. I introduced him to my teacher and several of the other people that practice there. We went out for tea and cocoa after class and caught up. He’s living in SF, but has his job in Oakland, so it looks like he’s going to be practicing at my studio. I’m thrilled.
Practice was good today. I had a lot of energy. Everything was pretty much the same, except that my teacher actually adjusted me into grabbing my heels today in chakra bandhasana! Holy cow. The last couple weeks, I’ve been touching the heels, kinda getting my achilles in between my first and second fingers. Today the hands were rotated and I had my thumbs on the inside of my heels and my fingers on the outside of the foot. That’s like another inch- in two weeks! He even tried to get my hands up to the ankles, proper, but that wasn’t going to happen. Next week! 
Jeez.
I love the openness that backbends require. They keep the heart chakra open. I’ve needed that lately because when I start feeling vulnerable, I usually start closing up. In several areas of my life outside of yoga, there has been a building inertia, requiring ever-more effort to maintain progress. Usually that means it’s time to let go, to stop pushing, to release the effort. In this case, I mean emotional effort, because obviously to complete the tasks I have before me I must maintain physical and mental effort. But releasing the emotional attachment, the desire…that’s what’s needed right now. Putting out lots of effort with little to show for it in return makes me feel vulnerable, exposed. In backbending the exposure, the vulnerability is evident, yet to move ever deeper, it must be maintained. I guess it’s there in all of asana, but for me backbending is where I feel it most. I like reminding myself to continue being vulnerable, to continue putting myself out there, but to also take care to release expectation of results. I had no idea I was going to be grabbing my heels today. I had no expectation of that. And it was fairly easy, if such a thing can ever be called that. I need such a reminder for other parts of my life. Expectation, or attachment to results, is where the release needs to happen now. The girl, the lab, the class, the friends…perhaps they are all within grasp, yet my attachment to grasping is preventing the release that gets me that last inch of the way….
Frydae September 24, 2004
This was the first six-practice-day week I’ve had in several. Of course there’s always the moon days, but even still, something has come up on many weeks, usually on the weekend, that prevented me from getting in a full six days. I didn’t find much difference, however! Fridays I’m always filled with a giddy, happy energy. Today was no exception. I woke up a half hour before my alarm, in practice everything was smooth, the breath was good, and I felt solid all around. One of the men that is there super-early and whom I practice next to every day was feeling tired this morning and asked me for some energy. I told him I had extra, and we did the sun sals and have of the standing poses synchronized. That was cool. It reminded me of my waterpolo days when we’d have our swim sets laid out for us by the coach and if any one of us missed a set, we’d all have to do all of them over. So the guys in each lane that needed a little help would go last and we’d put a guy that was strong right before him and he’d set the pace for the last guy. That way all the last guy had to do was stay on the feet of the guy in front of him. This kind of team attitude works really well, and it brings out a lot more strength. Now, in yoga, I think that’s only good for getting someone started, b/c I don’t belive one should push to keep up with someone else. But, if you’re having a bad day, it’s nice to get a little jump start. Most of the time, once sun sals are going, you’re ok anyway. At least I am. Apparently, it really was nice for my friend today….
Now, I do have to mention that I’m a little more giddy than usual b/c I have some exciting plans this evening, but still, Fridays are my favorite day, bar none. One of the other grad students wears his “friday hat” every week, which is histerical- it’s a small baseball cap, with pink mesh and bill, and a white panel that says “FOXY” in sparkly bubble letters. Every Friday he wears it. So last week I began wearing a friday shirt, to complement him. We all have a big discussion for two hours on Fridays, and that’s it for classes (we still have to go to our labs, though), so we bring lunch, go over the homework, plan our weekend, that kind of thing. Anyhow, my friday shirt is green and says “Mr. Fantastic” on it! I’m hoping we can get a bunch more of us to bring in super-cheesy self-affirming Friday wear. It’s especially useful for going out for beers after work!
Happy Friday to anyone reading. Enjoy your day off tomorrow!
September 23, 2004
I couldn’t remember getting hit by a truck, really it escaped me. But that’s surely the only thing that could’ve explained how I felt when the alarm went off this morning. I even went to bed at the normal tim. Oh my, I don’t even know what got me out of the bed. But after stumbling through the basics (making the bed, etc.) I finally got to my nauli, and that made everything better. It always wakes me up. If I can just get myself up and doing nauli, I’ll make it to practice. Once I was there I felt good. My back was still a little sore from yesterday, but ironically, it felt more flexible. No problems in the up dogs, and by the time I was doing my drop back/stand ups I was going further than usual. I guess yesterday was a minor “opening”- the term they use in Mysore. I wish the knees had been “openings” when they moved a little. Instead, I got “closings!” Ah, that’s how the cookie crumbles. The gluten-free, vegan cookie, that is.
Working… September 22, 2004
Briefly, practice today was good. No major changes. During the assisted part of backbending, where I’m now grabbing my heels in chakra bandhasana (with bent arms), I felt a small pop in my lower thoracic (definitely not in the lumbar). Today my spine has been a little sore in that spot. Not painful, not even uncomfortable, just a little sore, like when you stretch more than you’re used to. I guess I’ll see what happens with that. I’m not too worried about it, but it’s the only thing really mentionable about practice today. That and I spent a ton of time working with energy in the spine after headstand. No levitation yet, however, but I’ll let you know!
Coasting September 21, 2004
Cruisin today. Not a whole lot of change from yesterday, though I wasn’t as cold, thank goodness. I had a lot of adjustments today, which is always nice. My teacher gave me probably the longest adjustment I’ve ever had in baddha konasana today. I think it was almost 25 breaths. I’ve never been that close to the ground before with my knees down. That was intense- very intense. I was getting tons of stretch on the hip flexors, parts of the quads that insert into the tops of the knees, and even some quads on the outside of the thigh. There’s all kinds of tight stuff that makes itself know in that adjustment. I’ve had some wierd sensations in my left hip today, too, indicating some changes in there. Or at least some new access. I’m curious to see what happens in the coming weeks as this new practice emphasis continues. My right knee is getting much better. Left is still way outta whack, however, and I have to baby it a lot. Of course, my evaluation of “better” is kind of tongue and cheek since I’m not really doing anything to test what range of motion I have into half lotus on either side. Stepping back a lot from all that, as I’ve described a few times in the last week or so. So yeah. Moving along.
Lab work has turned around. I’ve finally gotten a handle on lame non-working stuff, so now I can accelerate the pace there. Nothing like some positive results to boost enthusiasm. A grad student is having her birthday party at kareoke tonight- rock on! I’m going to have to deal with a little less sleep tonight than I’d prefer, I fear. Oh well. Birthdays are important.
Monday September 20, 2004
Yep. Monday. Back at it. Practicing on Sunday definitely makes Mondays easier, I’ve noticed. Last night I slept horribly, though, so I was feeling tired this morning. Additionally, I was really cold. I don’t know why, but before practice began, I was shivering. It wasn’t like it was much cooler out or anything like that. Vata imbalance, I think. Gnarly conversation last night, forgot to eat dinner, slept poorly, that kind of thing. I was able to warm up with the sun sals, but I just felt like there was cold air on me the whole time I was practicing. Like if I slowed down I would cool off. I practiced faster than usual, probably because of that, and my teacher came in a little late, so I missed almost all of my normal adjustments for the day. Oh well. He needs a break from that sometimes too! Backbends are really coming along. I’m able to stay in my bent arm chakra bandhasana with the hands to the heels much longer now. Today I even felt like I could’ve straightened my arms a bit, but my teacher wants them bent for a while longer. I finished with nice long finishing poses and a decent meditation after headstand. I’m more and more easily tapping into moving the energy up and down the spine. Lots of movement there. And I’ve noticed some karmic consequences from that as well….
Lab work is starting to turn around. I’ve had a series of poor results in the last week, and today the people I’m working with revealed that this is a new application of a previous method, and that they hadn’t optimized it yet. Which means I’m actually the point man for the whole thing, and that makes me feel a lot better. Anybody would be having to do what I’m doing right now. So that takes some pressure off. A good day. A productive day. I get to go climbing now, too, and then dinner with a friend. Not bad for a Monday!
Rainy days September 19, 2004
Apparently, stormy weather has been on the menu everywhere this weekend. Between the blog server getting taken out by Ivan (if anyone wondered why there were only Blogger posts for the last few days, that’s why) and now the first rainy day since I moved to Berkeley, it’s as if the world needed a little shake up…. At least my car got a free wash during practice this morning. Now the clouds are beginning to break, and it’s one of the most beautiful mornings I’ve ever had. Practice was good today. The studio was packed. I was a little off, but not too badly, so I still came out feeling great. There was some dissappointment before practice, however, as a friend who was supposed to join me at the studio this morning couldn’t make it. We both forgot BART doesn’t start until 8am on Sundays, and he doesn’t have a car. I was looking forward to having him over here for the morning. C’est la vie. I have to go in to the lab for a brief stint today, but it won’t take too much time and I’m ahead on my homework for the week so I’m going to try and make the most of the day.
Yesterday I was in a haze all day. Saturdays are like that more and more. It’s like the week is so packed with stuff that by the time I get to Saturday I can’t even think. I went to breakfast, went to Sproul Plaza at Cal for some midday Lindy Hop (which was awesome, I’m super stoked to be doing lindy again) came home, had lunch, decided to take a bath, and promptly fell asleep in the tub! I woke up after a couple minutes and stumbled out, managed to get my shit together and go to a cafe to do some work, but this only under the graces of green tea. Lots of it. It paid off, however, because I have far less work to worry about for the rest of the week, and I can use the time for a couple things I’ve been waiting to do…. But man, I didn’t really feel human at all yesterday. Today I’m back to normal, and I want to have some normal time with no responsibilities.
TGIF, again September 17, 2004
Ahhhh, Friday. Man I need it! It’s been a long week in many ways. Practices have been going great, and today was another good one. Almost as good as yesterday, though the room was considerably cooler at the beginning and therefore I didn’t get the same amount of heat. Also, I was feeling a little weaker today. Jump backs and such required a little more oomph than usual. The room was packed today. I counted 24 as I left. With the new room format, that makes it seem really crowded. If people had all come in at once, there wouldn’t have been room for everybody without serious leaking into the finishing asanas area. I spent a great deal of time in padmasana (sukasana for me) at the end. The pace of school and my research had me really spun up this week and in to last night. Additionally, there are some social upcomings that I’ve been thinking about a lot. I woke up with my brain working full-pace, which I don’t like. It’s a wonder I got to sleep at all. Waking up like I did feels like my mind was working the whole time I was asleep and I missed a bunch of stuff. Like walking into a movie late. Interestingly enough, though, my monkey mind cooperated during practice and I was able to maintain concentration well. Maybe that was due to the extra effort, I dunno. In any case, I spent time doing some of my meditations at the end, really working with moving the energy up the spine, and focusing on different charkas. It’s a very calming series, and it helps me keep things in perspective. When I get all spun up like that I tend to make mountains out of molehills! EVERYTHING seems so vital and important and must be addressed now. Yikes. Calm down Cam. Just relax. There is time for everything. It’ll all get done, communicated; everything you need to know will be revealed. Take a little break, the week is mostly over, and guess what- it’s FRIDAY! Yeah.
