#%&@! August 31, 2004

I just f***ed up my left knee. Perfect. This time was more surprising than when the right went to hell a couple months ago. At least with that one there was a pop. Today, I simply came out of mari B (not even mari D), which felt basically normal, and suddenly I had intense pain once in chaturunga. It’s defintely in a weird spot. If you were to look at your own left knee with the leg straight, it’s on the outside of the knee, but towards the back of the leg, not anywhere near the patella. It’s gotta be ligaments at this point, right? I obviously do NOT have this figured out, as I was lead to believe by my success in mari D on that side. 10 weeks of steady improvement, and one day it just goes. I love it. Retrograde sure isn’t over yet. You know, I was so proud of myself for not pushing things too far, for being gentle with my right knee, for not characteristically going beyond my limits- and it still wasn’t enough. I swear, my body craps out in the most unpredictable ways. Clearly I’ve been doing something wrong.

In the evenings I do a battery of things to try and open the hips. First, I use the foam roller for my IT bands. It no longer even hurts on the outside of the leg, though the inside is still tender, indicating that my IT bands have loosened a bit since I started. Then I do supine figure four stretches with resistance/release for deep inside the hips. Finally, I stretch the hip flexors with a simple lunge stretch, again using the resistance/release method, which is to contract the muscles being stretched for 5 breaths, then relax them, but keep everything in the same position. Then sometimes I do some baddha konasana. I get all this done 4-5 nights a week.

At this point one could easily argue that all this extra work is more detrimental than helpful. I honestly have no idea what I’m doing wrong. I’ve been dealing with the knees/hips for the entirety of my time doing ashtanga, and I do not seem to be able to avoid injuring the knees. Even when I’m not pushing myself, as in the last couple months, they still get hurt. I don’t know what to do. If anyone has followed this blog, you know plenty about my efforts to help solve this problem. At this point I’m just going to give up on all that extra shit and show up in the mornings and do my practice to wherever my regular teacher thinks I should go to. Until he gets back, I may simply stop after supta kurmasana.

Which brings up another point that I was thinking about before the knee issue took center stage: the fact that our sub teacher has been urging me to do second series. Granted, I really wanted to do that, but for some reason, over the weekend while taking those two days off, and especially at practice yesterday, it didn’t feel right. I wrote in yesterday’s entry that I was going to do some today, but I was feeling very unsettled about it. This morning, one of the other students told me that our regular teacher had told our sub not to give anyone any new poses. I was shocked that she was going over his head that way. Bummer. So, that settled that. And then I got injured. What a morning this has been already! Kinda makes me feel like I should stay indoors. But, alas, I have my first day of classes today, so I’ll be heading out- by the end of classes, I’ll have plenty to keep me indoors!

A friend of mine has a book on the physiological-emotional relationships of different parts of the body. It describes how ailments or injuries, particularly if they’re repetitive, can be related to different emotions/energies. The knees are connected to humility, which seems obvious since kneeling is a show of surrender- maybe the book isn’t as insightful as it seems. However, it’s just one more reminder that this practice is not about getting done with a series, or getting to the next pose. It’s about God. It’s about connecting to the Divine. And you can do that with sun salutations or 5th series, it shouldn’t matter. I’ll remember to focus on that even more. Bandha, dristi, breath- the fundamentals. Practice, and all is coming.

Vacation’s over! August 30, 2004

Monday again. This is the beginning of my 10th week here, and the end of my time off. My studio observed the full moon day yesterday (which was the actual date of the full moon in this time zone, anyway) so I practiced today. The studio was cooler than normal so I needed all 10 sun sals to get warmed up, which is unusual. From there on out, though, I was nicely heated. I didn’t do any second series today due to feeling a little fatigued and the fact that I’d had two days off. Tomorrow I’ll break back into it. The knees were quiet today- no problems. It’s nice when that happens, because then I have the opportunity to assess where my hips actually are, rather than wondering if they could go a little further if the knee wasn’t hurting. The one new thing for today was backbending. I got my hands another inch closer to my heels in chakra bandhasana. This puts my fingers about 3 inches away or so. That’s going to be a trip when I actually make contact.

This is my official first week of graduate school. All my classes are Tuesday thru Friday, so I have none today. I do have a seminar to attend, however. Normally I’d be working in the lab all day (and every bit of time during the week when I’m not in classes) but my first rotation lab is gone at a conference until next week, so I have the week to ease in to class work. I’m curious to see how much of a shock returning to academic pressures is going to be. I’m looking forward to learning at this level, tackling these classes and the new knowledge and techniques I’ll be acquiring in the lab, so hopefully my enthusiasm will make the sudden immersion go more smoothly. What I’m the most concerned with is whether or not I’ll be able to maintain my practice 5-6 days a week. I’ve set it up as a high priority from the start here, so we’ll just have to see how much work I have to do….

Sleepy August 26, 2004

Wow. I don’t even know what got me out of bed and to the studio today. I stayed out late with a friend and then had trouble falling asleep, so I probably got less than 5 hours of sleep. However, by about the fifth sun salutation, I actually felt fine. Better than fine. I felt strong, and I had a great practice. Open hips, with not much knee issue on the right, as well as progress through salabasana, at my teacher’s prompting. Looks like she’s pushing me through bhekasana this week, which I’m curious about. The last time I did that, I was able to hold the pose on my own, with hands and elbows all in the correct positions, though it wasn’t pretty. So far, all my second series poses are better than before, so I’m curious about whether or not frog will follow suit. Today was another hot day, with the sky clear from the point I awoke until now even. Class turnout was small, for some reason (usually Thursdays are the biggest) though there were additional people from yesterday whom I hadn’t seen in a while. All in all, a great practice day, though now the lack of sleep has caught up with me and I’ll be going to bed early tonight to get in a good practice tomorrow….

Today was hot. And sweaty. August 25, 2004

Today was hot. And sweaty. And very packed. People are beginning to return from various travels, it seems. Many faces I haven’t seen in a while are now consistent again. The right knee was much less grumpy today. Mari B on the right with no complaints, and wrapping mari D without the bind. Mari D on the left is getting very deep. I continued my little rendezvous with second series today- binding pasasana on both sides no problem after getting assisted into it, and very open krounchasanas. I haven’t done that pose in many months, and it was amazing how much more open it has become.

The sun was out when I left the studio. I love that so very much. Mr. So Cal boy here. Nothing is as invigorating as the sun for me. Being up before dawn every day and having to come out to overcast skies is not my preference! But when the sun is there after practice it feels so welcoming. It’s going to be hot today, I think. I’m meeting a friend who swims with a triathlete today to go over some swimming technique stuff. Earlier in life I was a swimmer/waterpolo player. Apparently the triathlete has the most trouble with the swim leg of those races, and my friend hasn’t ever had real technique instruction, so I’m going to be in the pool today- I’m doubly glad the sun is out!

2nd series soiree August 24, 2004

Well, today began early and I had a great practice. Nice, flowing breath; the body was open; dristi was focused; bandhas in line; plenty of heat. Bound mari D easily on the left, though the right side still needs babying due to that dang knee. The hips are getting more and more open, though the problem with the knee demands that I don’t push it. Our sub teacher told me yesterday to begin second series poses, though I’m not sure if my regular teacher would agree with that. I thought about it a bit yesterday, and decided to just add pasasana after first was done today. I haven’t done second since last year, back in San Diego, but I loved it so much then. I was always far away from pasasana, though the postures from there to kapotasana were easier for me and I was doing quite well in them before I began my more traditional approach to ashtanga. So today I still couldn’t bind pasasana, though I am very close and could get into it with assistance. I figure, heck, since my regular teacher is gone until the 10th, and my current teacher wants me to move on, I’ll take advantage while I can and enjoy a little soiree with 2nd until he gets back! Tomorrow, krounchasana, according to my teacher today. I do love all the back opening work in the first third of second. But, alas, with the head still not down in badda konasana, the right knee not healed yet, and lotus just basically lagging (and therefore garbha pindasana and baddha padmasana), I can’t imagine my regular teacher letting me keep those poses when he gets back (I’ve got the stand up from backbends going very well now, though- almost no turnout in the feet). Oh well, enjoy it while I can, huh? It’s fun to be doing those poses again.

Berkeley, ninth week, day 2 August 23, 2004

I had a dream last night that I hadn’t gotten to bed early enough and had to do a short practice due to waking up later than usual. Then I woke up. At 5:30. I then realized that I had gotten to bed plenty early enough, and to top it off, I was feeling good and ready to practice right then! I laid down for a few more minutes, then got up and got my stuff together to get to the studio. I had a good practice, though a little tighter than my last one. I’m still astonished by how much less stiff I am in the morning compared to two months ago. I decided to practice in a different spot today than my usual ones, and I found that the vent above that area puts out a small but noticeable draft. It didn’t have much effect until after supta kurmasana, but by that point I could tell that an hour of light cool air descending on me, despite my internal heat and the heat of the room, had prevented me from maintaining my normal temperature. At that point in the series, it seems harder to maintain heat anyway, so this was just the little bit of extra cool needed to pull me down from my normal sweatiness. My back was nice and open though, and finishing poses were fine, but I wasn’t sweating at all by the time I was in savasana. I don’t like that. I should have kept more clothes on for that location. Ahhh, live and learn. I’ll be returning to my usual haunting grounds for practice- the other part of the room! Well, my lil sis is in town and I’m going to go spend time with her now, adios.

Well, it’s Friday, and my August 20, 2004

Well, it’s Friday, and my week has finally caught up with me. I had trouble falling asleep last night, so I slept in an extra 45 minutes and got to the studio a little before 7. I felt good, but a little fatigued, so I only practiced through navasana and took it easy with the backbends. I spent a bit of time stretching (in the manner I described yesterday) as well as on my roller yesterday evening and it made a huge difference. The right knee was again, almost completely without pain. That roller is a godsend. Today was a hot morning, like Tuesday was. So two of those this week, and two colder mornings. Two super-earlies, and two easy earlies. Our temporary sub teacher has been adding the beginning yoga sutras after the opening prayer. I love that. It’s great to learn more sanskrit, not to mention the reverberation of chanting such powerful sutras adds another element to the practice. I’m happy she’s offered that for us.

I’m going to take Sunday off instead of tomorrow b/c I’m hosting a back to school party tomorrow night for all the new grad students like myself, as well as the other years, and our collective friends. It’s going to be a late night! But, it’s our last chance to really have fun without the worry of studies and projects, so we might as well.

Happy Friday everyone! Enjoy it.

Home again August 19, 2004

It felt good to walk in the door at the Berkeley studio. This is the first time I’ve practiced elsewhere and came back since I moved here, and the comfort and ease I felt upon entry emphasized to me that this is my home now. This is my eighth week in Berkeley, and it’s the first pronounced sensation of that kind. Feels great. My practice was good. I’ve been binding mari D by myself on the left all week now, so I hope that’s here to stay. The right knee is going to need some babying for a few days though, and lots of evening stretch attention. The room was a little cooler than yesterday in Seattle- three days of temperature changes. Fun to see how that changes (or doesn’t) practice and how I feel the day after. Little experiments. Hahaha, you can take the scientist out of the lab, but…. It was also nice to “sleep in” today! There’s nothing like waking up at 4:45 for a couple days to make 5:45 seem like extra rest! Our regular teacher is in NYC for a bit, so we have a really neat replacement who is one of our group actually. She’s got a very different way of touching and guiding, plus some new ideas about things. She gave me some good tips at the end on hip-opening strategies, and I thought I’d pass them on. The general idea is contract and release, while maintaining the position. So if you’re doing a supine figure four (laying on back with one foot on the wall, leg 90 degrees, other foot on that thigh), the key is to contract the muscles in the stretching leg- pushing the foot into the thigh- and then let it relax in the same position, and repeat, 3-5 breaths in each contract/release. Gonna start incorporating that into my routine, and don’t worry, there’ll be much heard about it!

Seattle, part 2 August 18, 2004

This morning I again braved the pre-5am hour for my journey to David and Catherine’s studio. It was much warmer there than yesterday. I also found that I was much more sore. I still felt strong, and flexible once warm, but sore. Oh well. One great day necessarily will not be followed by another, and in this case, the lack of serious practice for the several days prior to yesterday was entirely the reason for the soreness today. But I had a good practice anyway. Though I got NO adjustments. Wierd. Perhaps David (he was the only one there today) just likes to see you practice for a while before giving adjustments. I can’t remember the last time I had a practice without a single adjustment. The back was more open today than yesterday, and the knees were a little less happy, though I know a lot of that is from walking a ton since I’m in a different city, with converse shoes on- just wrecking my cartilage. I don’t like walking all that much when I’m practicing every day. It feels like it tightens my IT bands up, not to mention the impact issue. I suppose if I was walking in good shoes, not on paved surfaces, it would be better. Another difference in practice today versus yesterday was that I noticed much different interactions between students and their teacher than at my studio. There was just a lot more talking around the room, and several students I heard talking to David (like multiple sentences, talking) DURING poses. My teacher would never let you do that, because he wants us to maintain the breath. Along those same lines, I heard many students grunting and groaning, and even a few exclamations while being adjusted. Again, not as much emphasis on the correct breath (and I’m a little worried that they may have been pushing it too much!). But while David didn’t seem as keen to correct people on the breathing, he definitely was much more verbally instructive on the mechanics of the pose, before, during, and after execution of it for those who were getting something new, or struggling with something. In general, my impression from two days of practice there is that the studio culture is somewhere between my old SD studio- being very liberal in its interpretation of the ashtanga method- and my current Berkeley studio- which is very conservative. Different strokes for different folks….

On a lighter note, I got to the airport to find that my tickets had been booked for yesterday instead of today! However I was able to get on the flight I thought I was going to be on as a standby (stanby by itself being historically rare for me to pull off) and thereby negated the conflict. Wild. In the process, I didn’t get to eat lunch though, so I’m getting quite hungry now. Meeting a friend for dinner soon though, so adios!

Seattle August 17, 2004

I awoke at 4:45 to get to the Bainbridge-Seattle ferry by 5:20. I took a short nap in the car on the way over, and finally arrived at David and Catherine’s studio a couple minutes after 6. This was the “official” starting time for class. Of course, like any place I’ve ever practiced mysore, the room was mostly full at that point, with several people more than half-way through their series. No problem- there was still space for me. The room was slightly cooler than the Berkeley studio, so I did my full 5 Sun As and Bs. I warm up (by which I mean having sweat rolling off my brow) very quickly , so I usually do 5 As and 3Bs, but I needed the extra push today. It became one of the best practices I’ve ever had. I love the energy of the studio here. The room is small and rectangular (but big enough for about 20 or so comfortably), with a red floor, a huge wall of windows at one end, some skylights, and little white holiday lights around the top of the walls. There is a strong intensity of practice among the students, and David and Catherine are very gentle, attentive teachers. My body was not stiff at all, even though I’ve been sleeping on the floor at my folks’ new place, I didn’t get as much sleep as I’m used to, and I haven’t had a full practice since Friday. The knees were a little stiff at the beginning, due to several days without IT band attention, but for the most part, my postures were as open as ever, and I felt that light, floaty strength that has become more the rule than the exception in recent weeks. AND, I had a major first today. Me, Mr. Tight Hips, man of sore knees, after three-and-a-half years of Ashtanga practice, bound marichyasana D on my left side ALL BY MYSELF this morning. I had no idea I was that close. I’m thrilled, not to mention I finally no longer feel self-conscious about doing the full 1st series at a new studio. The right knee is still not ready for that yet, but I’m getting there with the hip-flexor/IT band work. It’s certainly less grumpy than it was a couple weeks ago. I leave tomorrow in the afternoon, so I’ll be able to go back once more on this trip. I’m happy about this not only because I like practicing there but because I know David (Catherine spent time away teaching an intro class) spent most of today watching and evaluating me without giving adjustments. I only got adjusted in prasarita padottanasana C, with help at the end of my backbends and the following paschimottanasana. I expected about that much since they had never seen my practice. But tomorrow I’m hopeful I’ll get to learn something new from one of them. In either case, it’s a lovely place to practice, and I’m very happy to have this as a new home away from home studio. They know my teacher, Vance, very well, so it’s kinda like one big family! Ahhhh. More tomorrow.